Fixed Costs

I went through some numbers today and found that the game is trickier than ever. It's like they have a life of their own and would sever the hand that feeds them.

Like over a seemingly simple dinner the tea ceremony was brought in to fight the fire that came out of nowhere. For a moment there I thought I saw multiple colours of change. Sounds that were foreign and abandoned came rushing up my veins and it was violently unbearable. I guess the eloquent monsters and voices I have long rejected, detracted from have their way of finding themselves into my space again. I guess I have to also remember to hate the sin not the sinner. For without love I am nothing. But it is very tempting to murder in the face of threatening danger.

I have to learn to be a better seller. Not just a good seller but a great one. For there are many pearls to give away even the neighbours don't quite see the glimmer in the sunlight. It's just the morning light behind the drawn shades. Soon it will be fully day and it will dawn upon the nayers like an original sin. King Solomon bemoans that there is nothing new under the sun. Whatever is said has been said before, whatever done has been done before. I guess I am just the messenger passing on the blessings, praying that reprieve be made before my last breath so I may, by the mercy of God, see the land promised and envisioned.

This, I guess, is my fixed cost. My fixed cost of the gift of visions, dreams and the being of a pilgrim that I am. It's a complicated thing this living - to love yet to be vulnerable and open for the unintended preying attitudes that devour at the glance of an eagle's eye. I don't know what else I can say or not say. For it seems my intentions find their way into the south of the mouth. Patience is what I need, to push through till my private hell freezes over. So give me freely I ask today.