Are you there?

I can hardly open my eyes. These days, the fire dies easily. Dependant on the neighbouring passion.

I dozed off on the couch while Australia played out their cricket. That man so familiar, yet so distant. I got in too deep into this town and now what have I got left to show?

I feel the sore going throb throb at the back of my mind. Reminding me of something I did without actually physically being there. The same small get-together got even smaller this year. As I held my only tin can in my hand, I could hear myself answering the question. Just spending time with the folks, mate. Nothing much. Just kicking back and time with family - that's what's important, isn't it. Except it wasn't entirely true. I haven't been so far. So far being the corner of the eve till the dawn of the post-christmas sale extravaganza.

It's been quiet so far. Far too quiet. Maybe the hum drum still lingers in my mind and I can't drown out the voices of my conscience. Most mornings I have been finding myself in a state of disappointment. But you can't blame them for doing the right thing. That's right. So that leaves the question of where, who and how. I don't want to go back to work. Taking my own little getaway is beyond the budget. This swelling heat is marring my ability to calculate.

I didn't imagine sitting here saying this to myself. Thirty odd years and nothing no one to show for. I hadn't believed in one bit of this commercial garbage. But now the emotions are making it too hard to decide otherwise. So this will be a long holiday - perhaps I will plunge myself back into work. Cos the music in my just kinda died 2 days ago.

I need to leave this town. I am in too deep and I can't get out. Pull me out before I die unknown and alone or plug me in somewhere, pursue me, never let me go, help me belong, make me relevant.